Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
