Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
