So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I could fuck to npr.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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