i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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