Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i came on her dog
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
