I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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