when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
