For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
