I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude. I can hear the air.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
