you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
