Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
