Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
