So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
