I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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