I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
