just tell him i said nine months
Quick, to the slutcave!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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