someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
