I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
