just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
