third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
