I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
