So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
