i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
