that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
