im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
