He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize