Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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