It's Friday. Sex?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
