Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
