Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sext me about skeletons
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
