you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
