dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
