I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
