I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
