Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
