It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I touched a dick in church today
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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