I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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