I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
