atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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