You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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