Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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