Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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