question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
