Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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