The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
