Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
