dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
