it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
where are my eyebrows?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
