Do you still have your period?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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