After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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