I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
dude. I can hear the air.
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