my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
