Welp...herpes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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