i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
