Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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