The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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