I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
